If you have been paying attention, you know there is a great concern expressed by adults about young people’s bad behavior selfishness, and disrespect. The coronavirus pandemic has exacerbated this behavior, but the troubling behavior existed before the pandemic.
A seldom acknowledged reality is that adults (parents and teachers) are unintentionally encouraging the behavior they are concerned about. As The Children We Mean to Raise study points out: when teachers and parents are asked, they say that developing caring children is their top priority, more important than children’s achievements. But, “youth aren’t buying it. About 80% of the youth in our survey report that their parents are more concerned about achievement or happiness than caring for others. A similar percentage of youth perceive teachers as prioritizing students’ achievements over their caring.”
The gap between what adults say is their top priority for young people and what young people perceive is adult’s priority is due to the constant messages children are receiving from parents and teachers about achievement and happiness. Think about the unremitting messages young people are getting at home and at school about the importance of getting good grades and getting themselves “college and career ready.” I am not saying that encouraging students to get good grades and to prepare themselves for college are not important, but how often are those students being told that being a kind, caring and ethical person is even more important?
The bad news, according to The Children We Mean to Raise study, is: “When youth do not prioritize caring and fairness over aspects of personal success —and when they view their peers as even less likely to prioritize these ethical values— they are at greater risk of many forms of harmful behavior including being cruel, disrespectful, and dishonest.”
The good news is that we adults have the power to change children’s attitude about what they should pursue as a priority in life. As Emma Goldman reminds us: “No one has yet fully realized the wealth of sympathy, kindness, and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. Every effort should be to unlock that treasure.”
So let’s turn to some ways that we can unlock that treasure
- Let’s reset the messages we are sending kids so that there is a better balance between achievement and becoming a kind and caring person. I highly recommend that parents and teachers Google Steve Hartman Kindness 101. There you will find true stories of kind and caring individuals. Start with the Empathy video where you will find two stories of the empathy of high school students toward fellow students.
- Model kindness and caring in your own life. Even little acts like helping a neighbor or volunteering at a food bank can have a profound effect on young people who witness your acts of kindness and caring.
- Have youngsters read books that highlight the kindness and caring of young people. Two I recommend are Wonder by R.J. Palacio and Young Enough to Change the World: Stories of Kids and Teens Who Turned Their Dreams into Action by Michael Connolly and Brie Goolbis.
- With your students or children, watch movies like Akeela and the Bee , Children of Heaven and Wonder (the movie version of the book) which celebrate the kindness, generosity and empathy of young people
- Parents and teachers read THE CHILDREN WE MEAN TO RAISE: The Real Messages Adults Are Sending About Values for more ideas on how to encourage young people’s kindness and caring